Control

I figured out today why I like dieting and running so much. Its because, with those 2 things in particular, I have control. With dieting, I control what I eat. I control how much I eat. I can eat nothing but grilled chicken and veggies if I really want to be serious about it. I also choose when I don't want to have control. Like when I decide to eat a cheeseburger and french fries. But, it is in those times that I feel really guilty that I lost my control over myself, like I've let myself down. But hey, everyone needs those meals every now and then. Unfortunately, those meals are coming more often than I'd like these days. I need to get a better grip on that. I'm not supporting anorexia in any way, but I can totally see how it happens, that you have control over what you do (or do not) eat. And it does give you power to know that you have that control. You just have to be sensible about it, and eat enough to take care of yourself.

I'm the same way with control during my running. I decide when I stop and walk during my runs. I decide to push myself further. I decide how far I'm going to run for the day, and when I start feeling crappy and want to cut it short, I decide to turn back. Like I did today. I just love the feeling of being in control, of knowing that I am in charge of how I feel.

Now, I hope this doesn't make me sound like a "control freak". I'm only a control freak over the things in my own life (at least I think I am? Although sometimes I let it creep into other people's lives... If that ever happens, just tell me to back off!). I don't like unpredictability, I don't like depending on others for things that I know I have the power to control myself.

The one exception to the rule is God... and yes, He is in control of everything. But, that's a conversation to have in person, and I don't want to get all preachy here. BUT, He gave us free will to be control freaks in our own lives, so here I am.

So yeah... this post didn't turn out as good as it was in my head for the past 2 hours. Oh well. In case you are wondering about my weight, I've pretty much plateaued right now at around 159. I need to gain the control I crave back again, and go back to eating only grilled chicken and veggies most of the time. It will come. I'm dedicated, and I'm not giving up until I reach my goal. Especially with all of the great support I have :)

-Austin